Rebel Without a Cause?

“You either die a hero, or live long enough to see yourself become the villain.” –Dark Night Movie

I wanted to start a revolution. 16 years later, it has come down to this. I finally get to give back. How do you explain being the most hated and the most loved? At least the people that love me are the ones that matter and keep me going. I never wanted to be normal. I always wanted to be different and stand out.

“A man who wants to lead the orchestra must turn his back on the crowd.” -Max Lucado

I wanted to shock the world. I did. Now I want to shock the world every day. It has become a craving. I’m addicted to crowd reactions. I love that hate. I love pain. While people are looking over the fence, I’m doing something unreal. When it’s all set and done, they won’t believe their eyes. This one person who was there every day was capable of doing the impossible. Then, they will think they know the secret, but there’s more than just one secret. I’m going to have to do some proofs. I’m going to dig even deeper. I’m not looking at them, I’m looking past them.

“The proof is in the pudding.”

Please excuse me, since I have nieces and nephews to look after. And I have expenses I have to buy bigger plates.

Success is measured on how many confused, sad, angry, misunderstood and ignorant people are judging you. #truth #sad #buttrue
— Oscar De La Hoya (@OscarDeLaHoya) January 29, 2013

“Ain’t no love in the heart of this city...”

“The Dark Days”

After losing my mother to cancer in 2003, my days were darkened. Now I faced the world alone, like an orphan out in the wilderness. I had a job, but it wasn’t good enough, I had a second job, but it wasn’t good enough. At some point, I had 3 to 4 part time jobs getting paid minimum wage or just a little over just to make it financially to pay my cut of the bills and rent. Luckily, I was splitting it 3 ways among my 2 other brothers. I had to go to school full time taking a minimum of 12 hours and up to 16 hours per semester just so that I can get done with my degree in a timely manner, and begin a career to make some real money. Nothing seemed to work. Washer and dryer would go out, air conditioner, water leaks, clogged bathrooms and kitchen, and the biggest burden of them all was my car giving up on me. Halfway through school my engine blows up and all I see is white smoke everywhere as I pull over to the side of Hwy 191. I’ve had tire blow outs coming down Hwy 191 and almost had to walk home. It was no fun having to deal with mechanics and waiting for my vehicle to be repaired. When my mother was around it was easy, she took care of everything. Wow, my poor mother, at times she probably felt the same way I feel during difficult times. Welcome to manhood right? My bosses at my jobs in retail weren’t helping any. Yeah they were demanding and didn’t care what kind of personal problems an employee had, business was business. I guess it’s true what it says about a business man: it’s easier for a camel to go through an eye of a needle than a business/wealthy man to go to heaven. It was ridiculous, envy and hate can consume a person and cause innocent people to suffer. I took it like a man and performed like my life depended on it because in reality it did. I knew that there was something better for me. Everything I did with the grace of God was so that I can be in the position I am now. I had a vision, I had a dream, I had hope and I had faith. I believed that tough times wouldn’t last, that my mother was looking down praying for me; that God was going to take care of His children and that justice will be served.

Sometimes you have to go through the bad to appreciate the good. God doesn’t send anything you cannot handle. God uses those trials to mold a person. Just as quality pure gold is tested through fire, a quality pure man is tested with hardships. Next time you’re in Hell, walk straight through it with a smile for the Lord is always with you. Have faith. Those who endure, conquer. May the last be first, and the first be last. Give it to me! Bring It! It’s been proven!

2012

2012 will go down as the fastest year ever. The year went by fast, but I’m not going to forget the memories that it left behind, even if they were quick, they will last a lifetime.

Financially it was the best year. I paid off my car and all credit cards.

I began the remodeling of my house.

I finished a graduate program with a Masters of Arts in Spanish.

I made several new friends.

I met my fitness goals: gained weight, woop woop!

I traveled overseas for the first time: Summer Vacation in Spain.

I voted once again.

I was a groomsman for two of my friend’s weddings this year.

I was able to travel more.

My Lakers made some big moves in the off-season and won on Christmas day.

All the above were highlights of 2012 for me. They were all significant in my life plus my usual work that I put in every year, the regular accomplishments that are done on a daily basis. It has been a blessing to say the least. Now it is time to start a new chapter, so to speak, as page 1 of 365 gets written today. I have work to do (grinding time)…If y’all need me, give me a holler because I will literally stop what I’m doing if y’all want to spend time and/or need any assistance. Every one of you is important to me. This year, like every year, should be a very positive one. Negativity, criticism, pessimism, complaints, etc. don’t exist in my every day life. Live free, live loud, but God is number 1 and you’re number 2.